Scott Herman and The Hottie from School

School has started again, to my chagrin, but that’s not what I want to focus on right now. Today was a bittersweet day for a number of reasons. The first of which is due to the fact that over the holidays my love for Scott Herman was reignited. I stumbled on to one of his youtube videos and the more I watched his videos, the more I was reminded of how hot he is. Also his physical beauty was even made more attractive by his genuine kind heartedness. I was really trying not to get sucked in by him but when I found his Facebook fan page and profile he was too hard to resist. I just had to send him a friend request. This was very much out of character for me because I don’t send friend requests to people I don’t know and people who I am merely infatuated with. Despite that fact I did it anyway with hopes that a miracle would take place. Even though Scott had a fluctuating number of friends around the Facebook friend limit (5000) I was hoping that I would be one of the lucky ones given a shot to be placed on his list. Lol. From my little ramble I think you guys can guess what happened by now. Yup, he rejected my request. Lol. He however did it like a gentleman by informing me of his decision my email. Something he is not obligated to do. Scott is just an overall good, hot guy…The complete package in my eyes (minus being straight). Lol. So that was the bitter part of my day.

Now for the Sweet! As many of you know I am a HUGE Facebook addict so I am on this website almost 24/7. I just can’t get enough of it. Anyway, in previous posts I have often mentioned that I cruise the Facebook pages of guys that attend my university just for fun. Many of these guys are pretty hot by my standards but I know well enough that nothing will ever happen between me and these “straight” guys so I try not to dwell on their hotness too much. (Why did I let this happen with Scott Herman I don’t know!! ). I always get burned. So yesterday, I get this email from an extremely hot guy on one of these Gay Social Networking sites of which I am a member. I don’t really get excited about these emails anymore because they are just a huge waste of time for me. If this has happened to you a couple of times you get pretty jaded and don’t really give a crap who the email comes from anymore, hot or not. So I noticed that he unlocked his private photos for me, so true to form I go to his profile page first to check out his public pics. I was surprised, this guy was fucking hot. In the back of my mind I was saying, “These pics must be fake. Nobody this hot is ever interested in me” I then went to his private pics…..HOLY SHIT!!! This was one of the hot guys from my school. In my mind I was saying this is not happening. WHAT!! He’s Gay?!?! This can’t be real. I then went back to his Facebook page and on it, it says he’s interested in women. Lol. A closeted hottie!!!.....WooHooo, just the way I like them. I got a kick out of it. At the moment we are currently exchanging emails and everything he says is the same as it is on his Facebook Page and on the School’s Directory Information so I know it’s really him. I am trying really hard not to become too invested in him because if we do decide to meet face to face, I have this sneaky feeling that he is not going to like me and this is going to become a next Scott Herman moment. I really can’t deal with the heart break. I would be crushed, so at present I am trying really hard not to mess this up, say the wrong thing or give him the wrong vibe as I have so often done with guys I am attracted to. I just know he’s not going to like me if we meet face to face. Give me strength not to fall for this guy Dear Lord, I don’t think I could handle it if he rejects me.

A prime example of me messing up can be taken from an experience I had only 3 days ago. I went to the gym in the first time in a long time ( I was in Florida before) and as I walked through the door this really attractive guy comes up to me and says, "Do you want a workout partner?" His request really caught be off guard. Because of this shocking approach I found my mouth moving faster than my brain. I said sure. I then started my workout and he then asked me, How many sets of that (chest flies) are you going to do? I then said I just free style it (WHAT!!! Free Style? What the hell am I saying? NO!!) He then said, "Oh, I'll come back then" He never did. lol. I swear I am going to die alone. LOL LOL. I have gone over how I could've handled this differently like a million times. His request just really caught me off guard. Damn

Anyway, I will keep you guys updated.

Gay Boys Wasted

[Sorry Axorians. I started writing this yesterday but my headache got too overwhelming. This is therefore a two in one post.]

I got home an hour ago and I have been nursing a splitting headache for about 5 hrs now. As you might guess today was not a good day at all. The work just keeps coming in waves and I just can’t keep up. Tomorrow does not look much better. I don’t even want to think about it so let us continue, shall we? Currently, I am watching the People’s Choice Awards and looking forward to watching the premiere of The Real World: Brooklyn, Season 21 later tonight. It really looks good this season. Well…I am actually watching it because I want to drool over all the hot guys. Specifically, Scott Herman (Pics Below). What a freakin Hottie. WHY COULDN’T HE BE GAYYYYY???? Stand down Bitches he’s mine. Then again, does anybody want to get me Scott for a belated Christmas present? This season of the real world is the gayest season I have ever seen. There is a former lesbian, a gay guy, a transgender individual, a metro-sexual and the only thing missing is the Bisexual. We would have had the full LGBT team in the house.

Anyway, TV shows are not what I wanted to talk about. I will have to leave that until a next time, when my eyes don’t want to close and I have enough time to talk about all the awesome shows I watch.

For me finding a potential boyfriend is next to impossible because almost all the good gay guys are in the closet. And obviously, if they are in the closet, I don’t know who is gay. It is like an unspoken rule here that you never let on to another guy that you might be gay. The mistake of outing yourself to the wrong person might put you at great risk. Then again if he does turn out to be gay then the pay off would be damn amazing. However I am too much of a chicken to let on that I am gay. I’m such a big Loser!!! Lol.

On the other hand there are those guys that aren’t afraid to be identified as being gay or effeminate. (Way to go men, you are the ones with the real balls). Once you see them you don’t have to guess what kind of sex they like however many of them are, lets just says, a bit hard on the eyes and a little bit too “out there” for my tastes so I hardly find myself attracted to them. At this rate I doubt I’ll find any boyfriends…EVER!!

My reason for talking about this now is because I ran into two guys today. They aren’t really close friends of mine but we stop and chat now and again when we run into each other. I suspect both of these guys are gay but I have no proof. It might just be that I am misinterpreting their friendly nature as being gay, which is a mistake I make often. However, if they weren’t so freakin’ hot I wouldn’t even care if they were gay or not. I know it sounds shallow but I am far from the person who only looks on the outward beauty. These guys have great personalities and morals too. That’s hard to find. Then again I have the right to lust after eye candy too.

I met the first guy, who I’ll call Jeff, in my freshman year of college. He was a senior at the time and I thought he was completely gorgeous. His smile was so captivating that everytime he looked at me, my insides just melted. If it were possible, I think his smile could’ve even melted snow. So one day while I was in the lab vortexing a few liquids he comes up to me and says, “Why are you vortexing these liquids so long?” And I responded, “I like the vibrations”. Then he said, “You like the vibrations?” with special emphasis on the word vibrations and I said “Yeah”. After which Jeff says “Do you like the vibrations “Inside” you?” At this point I realized that we were no longer talking about vibrations. Vibrations were now being used as a synonym for Vibrators. So I say, “Definitely, it feels good”, he then laughs and says, “I know! I like it too but you’re a freak”. I couldn’t help but laugh too. I then told him “You have no idea how much of a freak I am. I have a lot of dark sides”. This would ultimately become a reoccurring joke among us in subsequent conversations.

A few days afar that conversation I got an email from Jeff, which was bit surprising because I didn’t even know he had my email. In it he said, “I want to know about your dark side”. I wrote back and told him that he really doesn’t want to know and he writes back, “sure I want to” Initially, I was going to tell him that my dark side was my attraction to guys but as per-usual I chickened out and told him some stupid story. Nothing really came of it after that. I am so stupid. Every time there is a possibility of a relationship developing I kill it. Why do I do that? Then again, I didn’t trust him enough yet to tell him something like that so soon.

Anyway, we still chat now and again but as of right now it’s just chat. Last year he even sent me a Birthday Wish which I thought was sweet. Hardly anyone remembers my birthday so the fact that he remembered was nice.

The other guy, who I will call Brian, was a member of an organization I was apart of. During meetings he would always stare at me then turn away when he realized I caught him looking. He was definitely a hot specimen and a little younger than I was but with Brian I could never tell if he was gay or straight. For as long as I have known Brain, he was always staring at me. Perhaps I must have always had food stuck to my teeth all these years and never knew. The only “quality time” I really got to spend with him was once when we both had to represent our organization at a conference. We hung out that night but his overall behaviour was totally not that of a straight guy. He was just a little bit too friendly. Which straight guy reaches around and squeezes your ass?

As I said before Brian is physically appealing and girls have taken notice. Even publicly declaring their attraction for him on numerous occasions but yet he is still single. That’s weird. He also hangs out with a lot of guys but hardly any girls. Most of his Facebook pics are with guys and the few with girls appear to be friendly and not intimate pictures. I know this isn’t enough information to claim someone might be gay but as I said before, I haven’t spent enough time getting to know him to make such an assertion. Saying he is gay would just be playing into the gay stereotype.

The point I am trying to make here is that there are lots of amazing guys in the closet that would make extremely suitable boyfriends, lovers, husbands, whatever but because they are so locked in the closet (myself included) the diversity of guys we are able to interact and develop relationships with is limited. It is just a shame that people are not allowed to live their lives freely just because of intolerance and narrow minded ideals. The sad part about this entire thing is that, these closet guys do eventually come out, but when they do the sexual appeal they so ably possessed in their youth is no longer present and the chances of finding a partner becomes that much more difficult.