Sexual Exposure: Chapter 1

As a person with an unquenchable libido, who has had numerous opportunities to engage in sexual activity over the years I am surprised I have been able to remain a virgin for this long. I don’t know if it’s something I should be proud of or concerned about. Presently, many of my friends have already taken the plunge into the world of sex (more than once) but yet here I remain…untainted and holy. Not that people who have engaged in sex are tainted. No! You guys are just down right filthy…I’m such a prude. :)

When I was a child I was always more open to exploring my body and discovering the sweet orgasmic secrets they hid compared to my friends. However none of them ever appeared to show interest in my delightful finds. The eagerness to unearth the forbidden pleasures of their body was just not strong enough yet. And I was right, now that we are older and “Wiser” they have now surpassed me in the sex department. I feel so inadequate! Perhaps if I were living in a different country I would have become the gay equivalent of the modern day slut. Sleeping with any stranger I fancy just for the fun of it, sneaking away in the middle of the night and not feeling weird about it in the morning. Lol. I doubt I could do that now even if I wanted to. My conscience wouldn’t let me.

In my case, all the elements necessary for me to sleep with someone has never actually fallen into place. In order for me to sleep with you I would have to first find you attractive. Therefore girls would automatically be disqualified. As such my chances of having sex with anyone just went down by 50%. And the fact that I live in a country where gays are almost invisible doesn’t mean that I am going to jump into bed with the first gay guy that comes along. The attraction has to be there first and if there is none then I guess I’m going to be a virgin forever. Sure I could have pretended to be attracted to girls and have sex with one of them but I hate playing with people’s feelings. This kind of behaviour reminds me of men who know they are gay but date and marry women anyway. Sorry guys, I am not judging those of you that do it, as I am sure all of you have your reasons, but I just can’t understand why you would pretend to love someone or be interested in someone when you are not. We all have the desire to comply with society’s stupid norms but don’t do it at the expense of someone else. I understand the need to comply; I do! But when I realized what being gay really meant, my dream of living in the suburbs with my wife and kids was shattered. I couldn’t honestly live the life I wanted without getting someone hurt or me living unhappily so I shelfed the dream. That was years ago but perhaps later down the road when the world truly accepts us, I might be able to salvage apart of it. Find a decent guy and adopt a few kids or better yet get biological ones.

No matter how hard you fight your feels they will eventually come to the surface and when they do a lot of persons will be left heartbroken. Can you imagine how your children feel when you and your wife get divorce? Can you imagine how your wife/girlfriend feels when she finds out you have been leading a double life with a man? Playing with the emotions and lives of others is a dangerous path to follow and I am one of those people who is unable to even step a foot on it. If anyone should get hurt in the end for a decision made it should be the individual who made the choices and not those around me. However we don’t live in a vacuum so the actions we do today will always result in casualties tomorrow. Therefore what we should aim to do is minimize the impact of those decisions on those around us. I implore you “Think of others when you make difficult decisions”.

[Sorry. My post just went off on a tangent but I thought it was appropriate to give my opinion on the topic while I had the chance. It was never meant as an insult to any Axorian]

Anyway to cut a longer story shorter, in the coming weeks I will be chronicling (as my blog title suggests) my sexual experiences over the years and how they might have shaped my views on sex as well as give you, my readers some insight into why I might still be a virgin. I don’t know how many parts this series will take but I am guessing probably 5 or more. The Chronicles will start from childhood and work its way up to present day.

My next post will Chronicle my life at Aunt Alexis’s house (that is if nothing happens between now and then).