Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sexual Exposure: Chapter 3

My last chapter ended with life at Aunty Alexis and now it was one year later.

I had now moved to Aunty Keelie and was living with her in the municipal area. And living beside us were two very nice families; one an elderly couple with all their children out of the nest and the other a chrisitian family with two boys. The smallest of which was AJ, he was 5 years old and the other was Nate, age 8.

AJ and I were the same age so we often played together. I always thought AJ was a little dumb so I always took advantage of him when I wanted something to get done. He was always so cheerful and willing. Now that I think about him, it was pretty cute. He never seemed to mind doing the crap I told him to.

Anyway one night we were outside playing and I don’t know what came over me but I told AJ that I wanted to spank him. I honestly don’t know what the heck I was thinking because we were in the front yard where everyone could have seen us. I didn’t even think about finding another location, I just knew that I wanted to spank him. And from the look on AJ’s face I knew he was a bit hesitant to do it but I eventually convinced him it would be fun. With us in agreement I then started to plant my hand on his ass over and over, until Nate walked into the yard. Nate knew I loved to force AJ to do crap and as his big brother I guess he felt the need to protect AJ. Usually he would let it slide but this time he was obviously upset and it didn’t look like I was going to get away with a warning this time. Nate then told me it was now my time to get spanked. He then ordered AJ to hit me but thankfully AJ was terrible at it. Nate must have realized this too and told AJ to get out of the way. This couldn’t be good. Nate was bigger.

Nate ordered me to turn around and so I did. I instinctively placed my hands on the wall, opened my legs as if a cop was about to frisk me for illegal weapons and braced myself for the worst. Nate then walked up behind me and yanked my shorts and underwear off before I even knew what happened. He then placed one of his hands on my lower back and started spanking me. He started out gently at first then it got harder and harder. What was he doing? I never did this to AJ I thought to myself. I could feel my ass getting hot but after a while it stopped hurting. In fact I found myself actually liking it. This was feeling good.

Nate then did something I wasn’t expecting. He started asking me if I liked it. I don’t know if he saw the expressions on my face or what but like an idiot I said “yes. Hit me harder” At this point I actually remember pushing my ass back each time so that his slaps would feel stronger. Nate appeared have been getting into it as well because his other hand was no longer on my lower back but on my other butt cheek. And he wasn’t just simply resting his hand there anymore; he was actually squeezing my ass. He then proceeded to get a little more vocal, telling me how I was being a bad little boy that needed to be punished for bossing around AJ. Honestly I had totally forgot about AJ so I looked around for him, but he wasn’t there and frankly I didn’t really care. I was enjoying myself. H e was missing out. Now that I write this it sounds like kiddy S & M. lol

Unbeknown to me and Nate, AJ had gone inside to my aunt to tell her that Nate was outside hurting me. Upon hearing this, my aunt came outside to put an end to the scene unfolding on her front lawn. For a short while we didn’t notice her standing there (yes we were that into it) but from the look on her face I could tell that she was horrified by what she was witnessing. She then grabbed me, with my shorts still around my ankles I might add and dragged me inside. After which she told AJ and Nate to go home and slammed the door in their faces.

In this state I knew what was coming and I was afraid. There was no where to go and hide. She then dragged me into the bedroom, locked the door and walked over to the side of the closet where the belts were kept. I took the time to pull up my shorts but there was still nowhere to escape to. Aunty Keelie then turned to me and said, “So you like to get spanked? Come here! I’ll give you what you need” I tired to tell her it wasn’t my fault but she wasn’t hearing any of it. She whipped me properly that night but what I remembered most was what she kept repeating while beating me, “Little boys don’t do that, Little boys don’t do that” each time emphasizing every word with a lick of the belt. Suffice to say I never did anything like that ever again for the rest of my life. (Who knows? I might pick it up again. Anytime I write these stories I think about the people in them. What are they doing now? What do they look like? Are they gay or straight? Wouldn’t you want to know too?)

During my time living with Aunty Keelie I also started to have this very strange attraction to men’s underwear. I guess you can tell what fetish I developed later in life. It didn’t matter if I was touching it or not, mine or someone else’s if there was underwear around, a hard-on was sure to follow. It sure got me in a bit of trouble now and again. And the fact that I am a leaker (streams and streams of clear sticky stuff soaking through my pants) didn’t make the situation any better. I know I’m a freak!!

There is just something about a man’s underwear that drives me wild, especially when I know they are dirty and filled with the strong aroma of natural “man perfume”. It has to be someone I am attracted to, I might add. Just the thought of their cock rubbing all over the fabric is hot. Sometimes a man in underwear can be ten times hotter to me than if he were naked. This is going to sound weird and disgusting, but the first time I ever remember even touching a man’s underwear was when I was in a garbage dump. Please remember that I live in a third world country so they are not that uncommon, in fact the dump was right behind my house and it was my personal play ground and treasure chest. I would often go there just to look for interesting stuff that people throw out. (Now that I am older I don’t even like to see it much less touch it. How I have changed). Anyway, one day while at the dump I found an underwear and thought that it would be a good bathing suit for my teddy bear. I took it home and placed it on Mr. Tif Tif and paraded him up and down the house. Everyone in the house thought it looked great until I told them where I got it. Lol. Lets just say I had to put back the underwear. (I mentioned this now because it places a role in my up coming chapters and provides background to something that was once a major part of my life).

Friday, April 17, 2009

Boycott Jamaica Part 2

When I initially wrote my first post I had no idea how deep emotions ran on this campaign, much less how extensive the discussion would have become once other persons got wind of the boycott. Since then I have encountered a host of articles in newspapers, blogs and even videos from persons expressing their views on the move and I must say that I am delighted. Just a simple search of, “Boycott Jamaica” will yield a number of results on Google. Personally, I don’t care whether you agree with the move or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that attention is being brought to the issue once again. Essentially the more interest we are able to generate on the Jamaican LGBT Community, the more aware the World becomes of our suffering, and to me that is a step in the right direction.

I agree that Jamaica might not be ready to accept the gay community just yet and I also agree that change will never come in a day, but if no one takes a stand then nothing will ever be accomplished. We have always tired the, “Ask Jamaica approach” and it has never worked, so I think it’s time to implement the, “Force Dem approach”. True change cannot occur without the presence conflict and if it takes an outside organization to cause that conflict then I am all for it. Jamaicans have always been afraid to put a face to Gay and for those that have, it has never ended well. As such Jamaica has never been truly challenged on their archaic views on homosexuality and if Boycott Jamaica is able to apply the pressure on these bigots then I say support it.

Anyway, I leave you with a video I came across on Youtube. I was fleetingly upset with MWJ and the comments on his video for a second but then remembered, ‘Everyone is entitled to their views’ despite how strongly I might disagree.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Boycott Jamaica

Since lately I have gotten a bit of free time so I have been trying to catch up on all the posts on other blogs I have missed recently. While reading one of my regular blogs, Towleroad, I came across a website called BoycottJamaica.org and I thought that it was necessary to promote this website.

This could potentially devastate my country during this global recession but this is basically the only thing I can do to improve my living conditions without putting myself in physical danger. Jamaica sucks when it comes to addressing LGBT issues and I am tired of living under these stupid conditions. Obviously, LGBT issues require much more attention Worldwide, even in the US, but Jamaica just refuses to even give us any basic rights. And they NEVER speak out against violence against gays. I don’t F-ing care how long it takes, just Boycott our asses and pass the word along.

Recently, our Prime Minister, Bruce Golding reiterated that the Government will not be pressured to repeal any laws relating to Buggery. These people make me sick. They want to live happy lives while we are forced to conform to what they think is “Normal”. I am going to stop writing because I feel myself getting angry.
I don’t know how helpful this will be in improving the lives of LGBT persons here because others have attempted this before without much success but you have to still try right?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Lesbians Don't Exist

Sometimes I get so caught up in all this gay stuff that sometimes I forget that lesbians live in this country as well. I know what you are thinking… “How stupid am I to forget that lesbians exist everywhere?” But in my defense I am mostly interested in men, so women don’t even take up an ounce of my attention on any given day. Many times my eyes are so glued to the men that if a woman so happens to go and shit in the middle of the street, I wouldn’t even notice. And furthermore, intimate interactions between women is so accepted and expected that not much attention is given to it anyway, even if it’s in public. Lesbians just seem to be so invisible worldwide. Gays however have this up in your face presence and always seem to be more vocal about homosexual issues. That’s just my opinion. However since recently I have become more attuned to lesbians because it turns out I have been close friends with one for many years and never knew. Talk about blinded by your own desires.

My closest girlfriend from high school, lets call her Lacy, presently just moved into her new apartment and I have wanted to visit her for quite sometime but I was just too busy to go. However on my way to work/school this morning I called her up and told her I was stopping by. This was like 7 in the morning and she was practically still asleep, which is normal when you live so close to school. I was like 5 minutes away when I called so she didn’t have much time to get herself ready. She opened the door in her silky little nightie and I thought she was fucking Hot. She is a gorgeous girl but I have never really seen her in that kind of light before. Thoughts of sex were going through my head. Perhaps I should stop chacing men and switch to women. My dick gets hard for either one so why waste my time with guys?

Anyway, we went into her room and chatted as we so often do. A few minutes afterwards she started watching Naruto on her laptop. I couldn’t believe it. She was into anime too. How come I didn’t know this? Apparently she just started getting into it so I will have a buddy bud to talk Naruto with when she gets up to speed on all the episodes. So during Naruto the topic of gays came up, after which she told me in confidence that XXC was a lesbian. I was in disbelief to say the least; disbelief that XXC was someone so close to me and yet I never once considered that she was even a little interested in other girls and disbelief that Lacy was so accepting of her. This was the same Lacy that in freshman year of college literally ran out of the restaurant when another girl made a pass at her, which I might add forced the rest of us in the group to leave because she was too disgusted to go back into a restaurant with a lesbian. Her exact words were, “My skin crawls”. I never forgot those words. At the time I wondered if that’s how all my friends would treat me if they knew I was gay too.

I would never have guessed that XXC was a lesbian. She was so girly, soft spoken and often in dresses. I always expected lesbians to be butch and terribly dressed but even as an avid watcher of, “The L Word” I seem to have still bought into this stereotype. I am so sad that show is done. I still can’t believe XXC is a lesbian though. How didn’t I pick it up? Perhaps this would explain why the other girls in the classes treated her like such shit. They must have known. I wonder if this is how everyone will react when I come out. If I am gay and I am this shocked that XXC was a lesbian, imagine how shocked all my friends will be when they find out I’m gay.

I applaud her. She did something I could never do or at least not right now.

Another thing that prompted this post was an Ad I saw on craigslist today for a Jamaican Lesbain seeking a Closeted husband. Apparently she is being constantly questioned by her family about not settling down and starting a family. I think I'll be in the same position in a few years myself. SCARY!! According to her it would help her career too because she would have a “Husband” to carry to company parties etc. Honestly, I think it’s a brilliant idea but how many good prospects are you really going to get from craigslist?

From now on I am going to try to be more aware of my surroundings. Not only focusing on the life of gays but those of lesbians too. Yes, gays will still be my main focus but I'm trying to be less oblivious to my women counterparts. We could really accomplish a lot if we all worked together.

Anyway, Have a “Happy Holiday” guys and save some of the chocolate Easter eggs for me.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Surrounded by Assholes

God! Today was a hard day. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t surrounded by a bunch of Assholes. Why can’t the world be filled with nice, genuine and friendly people? Why does some little fuck think it’s kool to make other people feel bad about themselves? Save me from these people.

These people enrage me to no end. Even to the point where the only thing I think about is causing them some real physical harm. The thought of smashing their face in with a piece of plank is so pleasing that it scares me at times. What’s wrong with the world?

No matter how much I try I could never seem to develop a thick skin against verbal attacks. I can’t deal with it. And it hurts even more when I know that I put in the effort to be nice to everyone even when I don’t agree with some of the shit they do. And for someone who is supposed to be intelligent, all I want to do when I get upset is fight. Running them over with a car, taking a hammer to their skull or slashing their car tires would feel like such sweet justice. All I want to do is make them feel pain.

I don’t believe in violence but at times I think violence is the only way to teach these people a lesson.

What happened? Someone called me a name I didn’t like. And even though I know she was only doing it to get back at me for reporting her corrupt activities, it still hurts. She was cheating the company out of money and was encouraging other members to get involved, a few of which did. I could no longer over look it. Yes, I am gay and I know what people say shouldn’t really matter but all I wanted to do was tell her, “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LOW LIFE PIECE OF SHIT!!!”

After she told me that story about how she and her friends tormented that gay guy at the party, I knew I should have just avoided her. What they did was so fucking beyond cruel yet I still spoke to them. It sucks that I have to see her face again. They can go rot in hell for all I care. I swear, all I wanted to do was grab that knife and stab her.

I need to practice greater control over my emotions. I can’t afford to drop to their level.

Perhaps, one of these days I am just going to snap.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Interview Two

I was supposed to provide an update of the last interview I had but I was too lazy to even bother writing about it. Not that anyone cares about it anymore but I was offered the job. However after doing the interview I felt that the job they were offering me would be better filled by someone else. I want to improve my skills as a scientist and the job they were offering involved marketing of scientific products with little to no lab work involved. This was not how I wanted to spend my time and furthermore I doubt I would accomplish what I wanted for myself so I turned it down so that someone else could get a shot at it. I guess you could call me stubborn but if I know I am going to be dissatisfied or unfulfilled with any situation, you can bet I am not going to do it. Of course I need the cash but I’ve never allowed money to dictate what I do with my life.

After I called the company to tell them I would not be accepting their offer, they were obviously shocked and asked me if I was sure if I wanted to do this. Then they asked me to explain why I was not accepting their offer in writing. In the email, I left out a number of reasons for my decision but in their eyes it would have been considered offensive if I did mention them, therefore I didn’t. I also wanted to maintain good relations with them just incase I decided to reapply sometime in the future (if they get their act together).

Again I am in the hunt for a proper job. Today, my friend and I were joking, about how bad the market is for scientists here. Practically, everyone in our class who studied sciences ended up teaching. I guess you guys know my stance on that already. Just one endless cycle of science teachers. No Thank you! I will find another path.