Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Drama And Stress

I feel like I have been away from my little blog baby for ages. Imagine February is almost over and I haven’t even made a few decent posts this month. I have been so tired and busy that the only thing that has occupied my time is work and sleep, with nothing in between. I know many of you will think I am just exaggerating but in all honesty my life for the pass few weeks is just that. WORK!!! The situation becomes even further complicated because I am forced to take home papers to mark. A set of papers on average takes me six hours per week to mark with each set containing anywhere from 10 to 13 reports. There has never been a week where I have had less than 6 set of papers. Therefore if you are any good with math you will know that I spend approximately 36 or more hours a week marking papers. Additionally what makes this even more stressful is the fact that I are only given 7 days from the date of submission to mark these damn papers. This I might also mention excludes the hours I have to spend at work, plus finding time to do my own research, Travelling as well as attending to my other responsibilities outside of work, such as my church duties. Yup I go to church.

I don’t expect anyone to really understand how maddening this is for me because a lot more details of the pass week has not even been included. For instance, that fact that I had to get up at 5 am on Sunday to mark papers so as to make the Monday deadline while ensuring I would still have time to attend a friend's party later that day but instead had to leave the party extremely early because my mom failed to take care of some family business.

There was however one highlight of the party that made my day brighter. A guy I had been crushing on for quite a while actually gave me all his food and went back for another plate for himself. It was so unexpected and sweet of him. He shocked me when he did that. However he did spill all his drink over my pants. I still don’t know if it was accidental or intentional. Shortly afterwards when I got the call that my services were needed at home he then walked with me (30 mins) to the taxi stand to make sure I was “safe” and then stayed with me until I got a taxi. What a gentleman! I don’t know if he is gay but he once asked me, “Would you be friends with a gay man?” And I said, "It depends." STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!! I should have said YES!

Anyway there are two other guys that I met this week that I am also crushing on too. The first one is really tall (which I like a lot) and he is always in the bus I take to work. On most occasions, I sit directly infront of him or behind him on the bus and this is always by coincidence. If I sit infront of him (like this morning) I usually linger on the bus until he passes my seat. I do this because he works in the building adjacent to mine so we have to walk on the same path to work. I want to walk behind him so that I can admire his body and tight ass. The view always makes starting my morning a bit more enjoyable.

The other guy works with me but he makes it really hard for me to remain professional when he is around. I want to touch him so much. Often times I find lame excuses so that I can go to his office. He is ten times sexier that the “Bus guy” so you can imagine how hard it is to keep my hands off him. I catch him staring at me now and again but I don’t really read too much into it because I strongly believe he is straight. He is just too cute for his own good. It would be so nice if we could sneak under the table and swap spit. :) lol I also stumbled (not really, more like stalking) his facebook and found a nice pic of him on the beach. Instant hard-on.

Additionally, I got a confidence boost this week. I must admit I get quite a few stares from people (both girls and boys) on a daily basis but the attention makes me feel weird. However there were a group of 5 girls this week that weren’t afraid to make their attraction to me known. I was walking down the hall and I saw them staring, whispering and laughing and I knew I was in trouble. As I got closer to them I could feel their eyes piercing into my soul. I avoided eye contact with them but when I reached where they were sitting they all started calling me but I thought that if I ignored them they would stop. Wrong! The further I walked away the louder they got. Eventually everybody else in the hall was staring at me too. I hate when that happens. I know I am attractive but I don’t think by that much. They needed to tone it down. Afterwards I felt horrible for not acknowledging them but experience taught me that if I do, I tend to dig a bigger hole for myself; pretending to be all interested in girls is hard work and very uncomfortable for me. Why can’t guys cat-call me? I would love that. Lol lol

Finally, I got a call on Tuesday with another job offer. I was so excited because I really wanted it and it pays really well however I have a contract with my present job so I can’t leave until I complete it. I plan to call the other company tomorrow to see if I can still get the job after my contract expires. I hope they say yes. If I get it then perhaps I can finally buy the SUV (Sports Utility Vehicle) I want and stop taking the bus. That would be a blessing.

Honestly, with all this drama and stress (a lot of it still un-mentioned) these past days I don’t know how I haven’t killed myself yet.

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