Saturday, January 3, 2009

Another Closet Case

Where to start? So much has happened in the “Chronicles” already that I have no clue at which point to get you guys caught up.

I guess the best point to start is to address the entire issue of my sexual orientation, because invariably it affects every aspect of my life, whether I like it or not. So if the bright colours and the list of exclusive gay blogs I subscribed to isn’t enough of a tip off then let me spell it out. I’m gay!!! For the record, these words have never left my mouth. Ever!! Not because I don’t want to say them but there has never been anybody to say them to. Furthermore, I don’t want to be classified as being gay. Wait…before you start lighting your mob torches. There is nothing wrong with being called Gay, but there is so much more to me than just being gay. Am I wrong to want to be viewed as a unique entity and not just as “Gay guy”?

Once you become openly gay, the world begins to view you has just being gay.

“Oh this is my gay friend Tom”,
“That’s the gay plumber”,
“That’s the gay guy from my school”

On the other hand you almost never hear,

“Oh this is my straight friend Jack”,
“That’s the straight plumber”,
“That’s the straight guy from my school”

That’s unless you are living in an alternate universe that I don’t know about, in which case I suggest you spill the beans NOW before I have to hurt you. When you are straight, there is never a need to point out the fact that you are straight. People just call you by your name or title but when you are gay, it’s as if you must put gay in front of everything. Why the urge to classify homosexuals? Are we that much of a side-show that we have to bring everybody’s attention to our gayness?

Additionally, many of you might have figured out by now that I am still in the closet. Contrary to popular knowledge I am not in the closet fingering Katie. I am in there because I don’t want to die. Usually when I am in a discussion with someone on the internet and I tell them, “I’m in the closet……” many of them instinctively ask, so why are you still not “Out” if you feel this strongly about being open? And to them I ask, Do you see where I live? Jamaica! My country is the most homophobic country in the Western Hemisphere and that isn’t even an exaggeration. It is ranked as one of the top 5 most homophobic countries in the World. If that wasn’t enough, it is illegal to be involved in any homosexual activity here, whether it is in public or in private. Disregard of this stupid law could see your ass in prison for 10 yrs. Then again if you are interested in getting raped multiple times for the day then I suggest you apply right away. A fresh bottom is always in high demand. It’s ironic that the very thing you get sent to jail for is the very thing you are forced to do for the next few years. How fun it most be to be a Prison Slut! Furthermore, my family would kick me out of the house if they found out I was gay and I am allergic to sleeping on the road side. So we can't have that.

Well, if prison is not what you desire then a good beating by the local mob might be your fancy. Violence against gay men here are extremely gruesome. None of which I wish to recount. It’s one of the most horrible deaths you can ever imagine and the fact that there are 100s of witnesses to the public killings never makes a difference. The government turns a blind eye and still refuses to enact laws to protect gays. During the killings, spectators just laugh while you bleed out in the streets. Most often the media covers such events and most individuals are more than willing to go on National TV and say, “He deserved it and the rest of us should get beaten too”. (I can just hear the potential tourists packing their bags to come here now). The ignorance in Jamaica about who homosexuals really are is unprecedented. Nobody wants to hear or see anything about it and as such there will never be any change. It’s never to be spoken of or condones in any form, unless of course it’s to incite violence.

No one knows how frustrating it is to be gay, horny 24/7, having no relief, 22 yrs old, a virgin, lying all the time, pretending to be interested in girls and living in this hell hole. It’s physically and emotionally draining. Additionally, my situation is further complicated considering that I am also a Christian. Gays and Religion don’t mix and no matter how hard I try to make both work together I can’t. It’s either I am going to deny that I am gay for the rest of my life (which honestly I can’t because the urge to plow my dick into some else’s ass or get my ass ripped to shreds is too strong) and worship God or live my gay life and reject the church (which I can’t because I don’t want to burn in Hell. lol). Why can’t they co-exist? WHY!?!?

Sometimes, I wonder to myself, “Why is it Americans can’t realize what they have?” I use America because they are the most gay-friendly country closest to me, I talk to more guys there than anywhere else in the world, most of my best gay friends are Americans and they are a world superpower for God sakes, they deserve mention. Lol. They have the freedom to be gay, do what they want, fuck whoever they want, marry whoever they want (I really wanted the gays in CA to get their way with prop 8. Hush guys) and say whatever they damn well please without many ramifications. I would literally kill to do that even once.

So until the time I can find a worthy dick to suck or find someone who can fuck my ass raw and give me that exploding ecstasy, I will have to continue suffering under the bondages of my country and the $@?*&^% narrow-minded pricks that live here.
Anyway, this was never meant to be a depressing blog. I hate complaining about my life but this is my reality and I just wanted to get my situation out of the way so I can focus on more fun stuff. It’s just unavoidable.

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