Thursday, January 22, 2009

I Hope He's Gay

Human beings are such strange creatures. Sometimes it seems as if we are innately programmed to pursue things we will never get. And even though we know we will never get it, we still continue to pursue them anyway. Do our desires to attain the impossible cloud our logic so deeply we are unable to comprehend reality?

Have you ever seen a hot guy and instinctively thought to yourself, “I hope he’s gay”? For some reason I seem to do this alot and I have no reason as to why I keep doing it. No doubt, if you are a gay man and find yourself attracted to another guy the thought of his sexual orientation has passed through your head. (And if it didn’t, then congratulations you are straight and confused)

A prime example of this can be seen with our infatuation with celebrities. If we see gorgeous male actors/athletes/politicians on the television or on the big screen we sometimes hope that they might be closet gays pretending to be straight. But I could never understand why we have this urge to know what their sexual preferences are. What is it? Do we think they will be rushing head over heels into our arms once they declare their homosexuality to the World or do we just want to know that there is someone famous on our side of the fence? What is it? It certainly can’t be because we think we will eventually have an intimate relationship with these people in the future. Not that it hurts to think about it but the chance of anyone hooking up with a celebrity crush is like 4 billion to 1.

Surprisingly, there are those among us who become extremely upset with supposedly closeted celebrities because they refuse to come out as being gay. Are you guys serious? Why would anyone want to come out of the closet just to satisfy the curiosity of the masses? In my opinion doing that would just be a stupid move. Jeopardizing your career for the sake of "Fan Satisfaction" is not worth such a risk. But whatever justifaction I come up with this nagging question seems to always come back; why do we want to know if they are gay? Will celebrities coming out of the closet make such a dramatic change in the world that the life of homosexuals will miraculously improve over night? I think not.

Anyway there a few names that come to mind when I think closeted gay celebrity and they are

1. Ricky Martin: All those tight gripping sexy speedos and all that man on man action (sorry I meant training) practically screams “Gay” to me.

2. Will Smith: I wouldn’t have guessed it too but the rumours are flying and there is supposedly evidence to back it up.

3. David Archuleta: Too cute for words. I just want to take a bite out of him. Too early to tell though but he has the makings of a future gay. Right?.......wrong :(

4. Vin Diesel: He denies it but we all know he likes to put his dick into dark places. We'll get his ass eventually.

5: Jake Gyllenhaal: He’s gay friendly so I don’t really care if he is gay or not. He has done more for us through is actions than professed influential gays could every do by talking. (Maybe I'm giving him too much credit). However looking at his second pic I feel like pulling down those pants and licking something delicious.

6. Anderson Cooper: (I seriously want this Silver Fox to f**k me senseless one day. He is so smart, intelligent and hot. Not to mention he wears his age well. I hope I can do that when I am his age. Send me an email if u read this Anderson!! Hopefully we'll discover another use for that beautiful mouth of yours :) )

7. Ryan Seacrest: I don’t think I need to say anything further.

I thought I would also mention the two most famous women who are suspected of being lesbians as well. After all this is an equal opportunity blog.

8. Oprah Winfrey: Poor Stedman most be experiencing some really severe pussy drought because Oprah is using it all on Gayle. I guess Oprah's money is enough of an incentive to stick around.

9. Condoleeza Rice: Gay or not I think she really needs someone special in her life. She looks like she needs it and I am being completely genuine here.

Even after all this I still don't know why we are so interested in the sexual orientation of people we don't even know. In the long run it will not make a difference in our lives one way or another. This story however takes on a new dimension if the person we have a crush is an individual we know personally. In such a case I believe we should make it our duty to get in their business. How else are we going to have sex with them? lol. jk


  1. When I see ugly unattractive men I say to myself, "I hope they're straight."

    I think the "hoping" for other people's sexuality comes from the way we associate ourselves with people sharing our sexual preference. As gay men, we are judged as a group. The more sexy, masculine, successful, and intelligent men in our group, the more comfortable we feel about being in it.

    It's like the whole school yard politics of selecting teams for sports at recess. We've been put on a team and the more quality players that are added to it, the better we feel about our team.

  2. So basically what you are saying is that we hope they are gay because they make us feel better about ourselves. Ok, valid point but I can't help but think there is more to it. Additionally, the ascertion also begs the question, Don't Fem guys make us feel good about ourselves too? lol

    [This is completely rhetorical]