Saturday, January 10, 2009

I'm Depressed (Big Whoop)

Am I not allowed to be depressed? I don’t want to pretend to be happy anymore. My everyday life is hard enough trying to turn everybody off my gay scent and trying to please my parents, my friends, my church, my co-workers and every damn person in my life. I want a break. I need a break. Could you please stop the world? I want to get the fuck off. (Sorry about the profanity. I don’t even use it in real life)

I know, nobody wants to hear me bitch about my life but I don’t have the luxury of venting to anyone close by so give a God damn break. I created my blog for cases just like these. And if you don’t like it then you can suck my dick or kiss my ass. (Great Dave! Insult your readers that will make them come back for sure. Oh…..wait……there’s nobody reading it.)

I felt like I have just contradicted everything I stand for. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Honestly, I don’t. I just want to see just a glimmer of light at the end of that tunnel. I just want to feel like I have some hope left. But I have been walking in the dark for so long and I am so very tired.

I know, I don’t have any right to complain because there are individuals out there whose lives are 100 times worse than mine and that is a fact. I often feel that complaining about my life makes me a selfish person. I have shelter, I have food, I have an education, I have a family (albeit they drive me crazy), I have electricity, I have water, I have cable and I have the internet. That’s more than half of the world can boast.

People tell me all the time, “It’s going to get better”. But When? When Fucking When? (Oh God! I feel like I am losing my damn mind right now).
How much more of this will have to endure? I don’t know what else to do. I just want to feel happy. Is that too much to ask?

No comments:

Post a Comment