Sunday, November 15, 2009


So I might have over-reacted a bit last night, with good reason. I don't know. The more and more I live my life, the more and more I realize that it's never going to change. God I wish I had a Gay Mentor who could guide me through all this crap.

Last night in my fit of rage I forgot to mention that the party wasn't all that bad. Now that I am more calm I think I would attend another one if they had it. Before the madness starts. Drugs are things I am strongly against. Try to make me use them and you and I are not going to be friends. What you want to do with your body is your business. Don't pull me into it. Anyway, that's why you should never say or make rash decisions when you are angry. You always regret them. I left on good terms with everyone and that was a plus. The party was organized by a lesbian and so a lot of gay guys and lesbians were there. Yeah...don't ask me why I never made out with anyone ok? Nobody seemed interested in me or they had their partners there. Hmmmmm...whatever. From what I have heard, she throws wild parties....[no shit....I saw it first hand. They are beyond wild.] There were some good moments though. For one Emily was there. She was great as usual but big surprise, she brought her boyfriend. :( Bummer. For someone at her standard I was a little startled by the looks of her boyfriend. Not what you would expect. The fact that she didn't have physical hang ups made me like her even more. In fact the guy I was crushing on at the party, (the one who said he was going to try the cocaine) also liked her too. I over heard him saying to his friend, "What is she doing with him?" In my mind I was asking myself the same question. I am well aware this is pretty judgmental but for a girl like Emily, you would understand if you saw them together. Huge gap.

On his Facebook the cute guy says he is straight. Hmmmm...idk. He is really hot though and came with his best friends, who I know for sure is a closet gay. There is no doubt in my mind. They could be dating secretly, I don't know. It however gives me hope that he might also be gay. We were smiling back and forth with each other the entire night before me finally decided to talk to each other. The cute guy and I were talking a lot, which I loved. Even to the point where the best friend was trying to get his attention or make a comment in our conversation but was constantly being cut off by the cute guy. (Loved it). When it was time for him to leave we exchanged names again and would you believe it... he actually wrote my name down in his phone. I don't know if he did that for anybody else but it felt good. I had hoped he would have gone a step further and asked me for my number. Oh well. That would have made my night.

Not everybody was doing "stuff" I didn't approve of though. However I am happy to report that Emily and those persons I seemed to have spoken to pretty well during the party left before the madness started.

The American culture is sucking me in too quickly. Can you imagine they wanted me to play beer pong. ME! BEER PONG! My system was in shock from the 3 beers plus I had previously. It would have been suicide to do beer pong. I had to stand firm and say "Seriously people. It would be too much" What is getting me worried is that, I even drank these beers without trouble, plus straight vodka (that got a huge laugh from everybody. Apparently no one drinks Vodka straight unless they want to be wasted in a few minutes. I don't drink, so I didn't know you should mix it with something else first). Plus I also drank a bunch of other alcoholic shit without trouble. When did I start drinking so heavily. This is not me. My mom would die if she knew that I was doing.

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