I'M BACK!!!!!
It's now midnight and I just got home. I know I should be sleeping but I felt like blogging instead. So my family had their annual summer get together this weekend. It was so fun. Everybody came from all over the island, USA, England etc as usual. Honestly, why isn't my life always this good? Actually the family celebration is still going on, it's usually a week long...I left early. My family tends to get on my nerves after the first few days so I get out when I can. I think I might go back on Wednesday. I'm still making up my mind. I ate so much food today that I felt nauseous while driving back. I will have to exercise this off tomorrow. I really don't feel the urge to workout right now but I keep telling myself, "You'll look beautiful after you're done, You'll look beautiful after you're done". So I do it. Furthermore, I haven't exercised in a while so I need to get back on the treadmill. Whoever said beauty was painful was right. Looking good takes work.
Anyway, visiting my family is a double edged sword. Everybody wants to get into my personal life. Now that kids that I grew up with are now having children of their own everybody wants to know if I am dating anybody. The fact that almost everyone I grew up with either has a child (or two) or dating, makes me I feel mega jealous. I have always wanted children. And the fact that almost all my aunts have grandchildren and my mother doesn't make me feel even worst. My mother deserves to have grandchildren. She'll be crushed if I tell her she will never have them.
Holding all the new babies in the family made me even more depressed. I will never have kids of my own. (I want biological kids. I have nothing against adoption.) As a scientist, passing on my genes is something that makes me tingle with glee when I think about it. Someone walking around with your genes. Can you imagine it? That's pretty amazing.
Another reason why I get so depressed at family gatherings is the fact that everyone grows up. I HATE when everybody grows up!!! Everybody seemed to have become alot more mature while little old me has remained the same. Why do they have to grew up? No fair, No fair (I'm using my childish voice here lol). The conversations I usually had with my little cousins have now changed from frogs, bugs and cartoons to whose dating who. My girl cousin has now become a hot teenager. If she wanted to model I think she would do well. She has the height and she definitely has the body. I remember when she was just a tiny little thing we usually played "Duppy Monster" and went orange picking on the farm. I am famous for my duppy monster pranks. Ask anyone. I got into tonnes of trouble afterwards. Oh wait, you can't. During the get-together she would receive calls from boys every minute. No more time to play Duppy Monster. lol. One of my other cousin is now dating 5 women at once. And he is very proud of his accomplishments. Using them and dumping them gives him so much pleasure. If you saw him as a kid you would never believe he would have grown up to be a womanizer. I guess the quiet ones are indeed more dangerous. I might also add that all of them are younger than I am. I am such a retard. I won't even mention what the rest of them are doing. They are all big women and men now. I could never understand why everyone wants to grow up so fast. I am a big kid at heart.
[Sigh]. I hate that everything changes. HATE IT I TELL YOU!!!
On my way back home I checked my cell and saw that the police guy texted me last night. Because I was so engulfed in family drama I didn't even see it. Infact no one could reach me. I didn't answer one call while I was at the house. In the text he asked me how I was and I told him I was busy and might not be able to meet up with him this week. He wrote be back and said, "OK." Could someone please tell me what that is suppose to mean? Anytime anyone responds with a one word answer I get worried. You are definitely in trouble when someone responds with one word. Perhaps he thinks I am blowing him off. But I am not!! I really am busy. Maybe a bit terrified too. I don't know. I just don't do well with relationships. Straight or otherwise.
I have so much to do this week and to make matters worst my friends have just invited me to Mobay with them this Saturday. I really want to go but I have so much to do here. Furthermore I was just in Mobay 2 days ago and I live near Kingston, so for those of you who don't know how far away that is then I suggest that you look it up. It's a long drive. I would love to go with them but I have other plans. Maybe not excting plans but plans nonetheless.
I promise I will finish the sexual exposure part 2 but I can't get myself to write the last part. It makes me sick remembering what happened.
Anyway, I am off to bed.
It's now midnight and I just got home. I know I should be sleeping but I felt like blogging instead. So my family had their annual summer get together this weekend. It was so fun. Everybody came from all over the island, USA, England etc as usual. Honestly, why isn't my life always this good? Actually the family celebration is still going on, it's usually a week long...I left early. My family tends to get on my nerves after the first few days so I get out when I can. I think I might go back on Wednesday. I'm still making up my mind. I ate so much food today that I felt nauseous while driving back. I will have to exercise this off tomorrow. I really don't feel the urge to workout right now but I keep telling myself, "You'll look beautiful after you're done, You'll look beautiful after you're done". So I do it. Furthermore, I haven't exercised in a while so I need to get back on the treadmill. Whoever said beauty was painful was right. Looking good takes work.
Anyway, visiting my family is a double edged sword. Everybody wants to get into my personal life. Now that kids that I grew up with are now having children of their own everybody wants to know if I am dating anybody. The fact that almost everyone I grew up with either has a child (or two) or dating, makes me I feel mega jealous. I have always wanted children. And the fact that almost all my aunts have grandchildren and my mother doesn't make me feel even worst. My mother deserves to have grandchildren. She'll be crushed if I tell her she will never have them.
Holding all the new babies in the family made me even more depressed. I will never have kids of my own. (I want biological kids. I have nothing against adoption.) As a scientist, passing on my genes is something that makes me tingle with glee when I think about it. Someone walking around with your genes. Can you imagine it? That's pretty amazing.
Another reason why I get so depressed at family gatherings is the fact that everyone grows up. I HATE when everybody grows up!!! Everybody seemed to have become alot more mature while little old me has remained the same. Why do they have to grew up? No fair, No fair (I'm using my childish voice here lol). The conversations I usually had with my little cousins have now changed from frogs, bugs and cartoons to whose dating who. My girl cousin has now become a hot teenager. If she wanted to model I think she would do well. She has the height and she definitely has the body. I remember when she was just a tiny little thing we usually played "Duppy Monster" and went orange picking on the farm. I am famous for my duppy monster pranks. Ask anyone. I got into tonnes of trouble afterwards. Oh wait, you can't. During the get-together she would receive calls from boys every minute. No more time to play Duppy Monster. lol. One of my other cousin is now dating 5 women at once. And he is very proud of his accomplishments. Using them and dumping them gives him so much pleasure. If you saw him as a kid you would never believe he would have grown up to be a womanizer. I guess the quiet ones are indeed more dangerous. I might also add that all of them are younger than I am. I am such a retard. I won't even mention what the rest of them are doing. They are all big women and men now. I could never understand why everyone wants to grow up so fast. I am a big kid at heart.
[Sigh]. I hate that everything changes. HATE IT I TELL YOU!!!
On my way back home I checked my cell and saw that the police guy texted me last night. Because I was so engulfed in family drama I didn't even see it. Infact no one could reach me. I didn't answer one call while I was at the house. In the text he asked me how I was and I told him I was busy and might not be able to meet up with him this week. He wrote be back and said, "OK." Could someone please tell me what that is suppose to mean? Anytime anyone responds with a one word answer I get worried. You are definitely in trouble when someone responds with one word. Perhaps he thinks I am blowing him off. But I am not!! I really am busy. Maybe a bit terrified too. I don't know. I just don't do well with relationships. Straight or otherwise.
I have so much to do this week and to make matters worst my friends have just invited me to Mobay with them this Saturday. I really want to go but I have so much to do here. Furthermore I was just in Mobay 2 days ago and I live near Kingston, so for those of you who don't know how far away that is then I suggest that you look it up. It's a long drive. I would love to go with them but I have other plans. Maybe not excting plans but plans nonetheless.
I promise I will finish the sexual exposure part 2 but I can't get myself to write the last part. It makes me sick remembering what happened.
Anyway, I am off to bed.
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