Monday, July 20, 2009

Sexual Exposure 4: The Crush

I have wanted to continue my Sexual Exposure series for quite a while now but since the theft of my laptop with the draft of this chapter and the others to come, I lost all zeal to re-write them. I also have a new development in my life that is forcing me to finish this series much more quickly than I expected. (No, it's not the computer getting a virus and No I didn't meet someone) The thought of sitting down and writing all these chapters so that you can get caught up with my love life, or lack thereof, tends to become overwhelming for me. And if I become overwhelmed it becomes impossible to write anything.

In my previous chapter I ended with my life at Aunty Keelie but at this junction I have now returned home to live with my mother, who has just finished her studies at University. I no longer had to worry about moving or making new friends. I was at a steady primary school for once in my life.

At this school there was a boy named Bret. He was probably my first true crush. He was in the 3rd grade, had a killer smile, of Indian and African descent, fair complexion and had the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. It was always so shiny and curly, that everytime I saw him I would just get this major urge to reach out and touch it. In my baby eyes, Bret had all the qualities that made a boy stand stood out above the crowd. He was the total package: Cute, Adorable and Sexy. I was however in the first grade and had no way of getting to talk to him but I wasn't going to let that stop me.

In the first grade I was somewhat, "The Leader" of my group so I always had a few kids following me around. I was so infatuated with Bret that I would have done anything to talk to him. I didn't want to just go up and say Hi, so one day I convinced my friends that we should go to his home room and tease him. (Now that I am older, I now know this was a really bad idea). My friends however agreed to follow and thus the teasing commenced.

We teased him on and off for days. Calling his name and running away, touching him and running away and all those other stupid things kids do to annoy each other. Obviously, I was more invested in annoying Bret than my friends so I was the one doing most of the teasing. Unbeknown to me, when you tease someone, especially someone older and bigger than you are, they are going to seek revenge. At my age I didn't even know what revenge was so I really didn't give a second thought about the consequences of my actions. If Bret were to seek revenge I would have been the most logical target.

One day, Friday to be exact (I remember it so well), while I was walking home from school, I felt someone grab my right arm and whispered into my ear, "I finally caught you". I then turned around and saw that it was Bret. It was somewhat appropriate too considering that he never could catch me after I ran away, so the only way he could really catch me was by ambush. But those words meant so much more to me than he could have ever known. Feeling his breath on my ear, his hand on my arm and his body pressed up against mine drove me crazy. This was the guy I was in love with for months. In my mind it was so romantic. I then said to him, "I can see". Bret then smiled and said to me, "I have a surprise for you on Monday" In my naive little mind I thought this would be a good thing.

All weekend I imagined Bret and I kissing, talking, laughing and becoming the best of friends. Honestly I couldn't wait for Monday. What surprise did Bret have for me? Was he going to tell me he liked me? Were we going to hold hands? Were we going to play together? All these silly little questions were going through my head all weekend long.

So Monday finally came and I was excited to see what surprise Bret had for me. I saw him during general devotion so I smiled and waved at him and he did the same. I thought to myself, "This was going to be a great day". After devotion he came up to me and told me that he wanted to meet him in the bathroom during break period. When break came I rushed to the bathroom but Bret wasn't there. I waited a few minutes but I didn't see him so I decided to leave. On my way out the door, Bret arrived with his friends. I didn't know why his friends were there but I was about to find out. To make a very painful story even shorter, Bret and his friends beat me up in the bathroom. I was crushed. I was not only suffering from bruises but also a broken heart. Why did he do this to me?

We never spoke after that and I just stopped liking him. In all honesty I don't even remember anything about him after that day. I lost interest. I saw him once again during high school but that is all I remember of him. My heart most have been so broken that my brain has blocked all memories of him. I really liked him too. It should have never ended this way. Perhaps I should have just said Hi.

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